April 19, 2013

Mens Rea

It has been just over two months since I joined the company. I remember the ecstatic feeling when I first offered the job. The function was challenging, the salary was luring and the career path was promising. But I forgot one thing: the pressure.


No, the pressure does not come from freaking seniority nor does from endless working hour. The weight overcomes me every time I peek over my bank account and wonder if they overpay me. The remorse crawls under my feet every time I see the frown on my mentor’s forehead, articulate a disappointment.



Mens rea is a Latin for guilty mind. Once I heard these two words, I realized no word could describe my feud any better.

I am bounded by this mens rea of owing the company an unutterable giant; think I should have done something wondrous during these passing two months, but I haven’t. Not even close. I died a little every time I remember how I have not done any valuable thing yet. I live my working life overwhelmed by the fact that I could not be what I have been thinking. It feels like I disappoint every possible expectation people put on me. *and yet I still spare my time blogging*

| Shopatvelvet top; Cotton Ink short; Laceorie boots |
This mens rea is like an unseen whip flogs me days and nights, force me to force myself to do better each day. Beyond my whiny exasperating words, I am trying my best to enjoy every flog mens rea leaves on my soul. After all, it is mens rea which pushes me to be better now and then, regardless how ruthless the process is.



Soon, I realized that mens rea has become my first bench mark of having responsibility; the first brick I put on the “rest of my life” pathway. Maybe I should be grateful to have mens rea within me; it turned out to be my current driving engine howsoever.

3 comments:

  1. you are so pretty.. Love your short <3

    Chic Swank

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  2. what a grat outfits, love the pattern on your shirt and your shoes is amazing. I love the set for the shoots too. Anyway, you just remind me of a member of Korean Girlband named SNSD, you look alike one of them, but I just don't know her name, hahaha.

    ReplyDelete

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Love,
.Gina